ambassador-of-anguish:

shouldertappingghosts:

If I was a famous author I would publish a book with ten different endings which all went to print with varying degrees of rarity, but not tell the fans about it so that I could watch their confusion as they disagree over how the story ended. Then when they figured it out I would ‘come clean’, telling them that I had released eleven alternate endings and watch them panic again as they all try to find the last ending.

This is perfect.

(via skankycookeez)

joetrohnam:

my mom always lets me mash the potatoes because it helps me deal with my feelings 

(Source: princesskulash, via vagina-itch)

• mugger: *walks up*
• mugger: GIMME EVERYTHING YOU GOT!
• mugger: *slowly walks away with $2.16 and a lifetime of anxiety & existential misunderstanding*

nnick-andopolis:

“why don’t boys like me” i whisper in front on my computer screen as i wipe the french fry grease from my fingers onto the shirt i’ve been wearing for the past three days

(Source: flying-graysons, via vagina-itch)